4-for1: Limericks

Last year I went to an Irish Pub in town and an Irish band was performing...not that any of them were Irish. They were performing Irish music, though. They had a thing where you could submit limericks to them and they'd read them between songs. The folks at my table and I decided to submit them as a group effort. They ended up being significantly less interesting than we had hoped.

But anyway, from The Penguin Book of Limericks, 1986:

[Ophleia]
Poor Ophelia sighed: 'I deplore
The fact that young Hamlet's a bore.
He just talks to himself;
I'll be left on the shelf,
or go mad by the end of Act IV.'
Frank Richards

I once knew a spinster of Staines,
And a spinster that lady remains;
She's no figure, no looks,
Neither dances nor cooks -
And, most ghastly of all, she has brains.
Plaiwon

Said Old Father William: 'I'm humble,
And getting too old for a tumble,
But produce me a blonde,
And I'm still not beyond
An attempt at an interesting fumble.'
Conrad Aiken

If no Pain were, how judge we of Pleasure?
If no Work, where's the solace of Leisure?
What's White, if no Black?
What's Wealth, if no Lack?
If no Loss, how our Gain could be measure?
William Bliss